ZenJeff

Some god Stuff

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Longer story: a memory sparked from reading: Religious Trauma Syndrome: How some organized religion leads to mental health problems

ZenJeffWhen I was about 10 years old, and my disbelief was starting to grow, I had a clever little moment of clarity. I was repeatedly being set aside for “special attention” due to my irreverent attitudes (asking questions) and behaviors (I was uber-ADD). On this specific day, I went through Sunday school and got the “God helps those who help themselves*” bit, then had to go to the Bishop for a lecture at asking inappropriate questions in church (“How is God of Love when he keeps killing babies and little kids every time he gets his feelings hurt? [Isaiah 13:15-18] ).

The Bishop sat me down and began a long and laborious lecture about God’s love for me, His disappointment at my asking questions, and being too excitable, and how powerful prayer would be in fixing everything that was “wrong with me” – thus began the moment; the Genesis of that day’s clarity, if you will.

“Wrong with me?”

“Yes,” quoth the Bishop. “There is a lot wrong with you, and, if you pray, your Heavenly Father will fix you.”

“He’ll fix me?” I was a little confused.

“Heavenly Father loves you and wants you to be happy. If you pray hard enough, He’ll fix you.”

“Because I’m broken?”

“You’re not broken, but, you need to change so that you’ll be happy.”

“I’m already happy.”

“No, you’re not,” quoth the Bishop.

“And praying hard will make me happy?” I asked.

Setting aside the shitty system that lets uneducated, ignorant simple folk** lead the footsteps of a somewhat large group of people (or, as I came to call them, thinking myself erroneously unique and clever, ‘Sheeple’), here was a person, an adult, in a position of intimidating authority, telling a 10 year old that he was, in the eyes of an all powerful god (who, let’s remember, murders children in bulk [2 Kings 2:23-25] for dumb ass reasons) that the child was a thorn in the Almighty’s slipper.

It’s flat out abusive.

I was taken to my knees, and assumed the prayer position (don’t fret – it was just religious abuse, not butt stuff), and listened for around 10 endless minutes as the Bishop begged God to fix me; to make me behave; to make me stop asking questions about doctrine and scripture; to smother the flames of my enthusiasm***; to be, in my mind’s definition, Jeffrey, and not Jeff.

Jeffrey is boring as hell. He’s dull, ignorant, cookie cutter, and numb.

Jeff is hyper (well, was … I’m 42, fat, and slow now – these days, it’s just ADHD in slow motion), looks for deeper meaning, picks fights with bullies, makes mistakes, learns from failure … you get the picture.

So, there I am, listening to this fatuous gas bag entreat an imaginary Vengeance, on my behalf, to make me “better,” and to fix my aliments by smothering my intellect with ignorance and surrender. It was about a minute before I got angry, and another until I got cold, and one more to start fantasizing about dishing out a little vengeance of my own… and my brain locked into a simple, poetic, and blissful mantra:

“Fuck you.”****

I was mad, it was locked away, and there it sat, for decades … and I am so thankful for that day. No shit, this was a wonderful, glorious moment that formed the base of what I am, who I am, and what I do. It pushed me on the path the led to a very long walk to find the content of my character, as it were.

That path lead through – hell, still leads through – shit choices, painful consequences, confused decision making, flawed actions … and bliss. Total, unequivocal bliss at being free from the oppression of a self imposed homogenization – I am Name Brand ME – not the generic, mass produced stacked up meat-suits who waddle in lockstep with the protagonist of a 1600 year old collection of plagiarized mythology.

Yeah, there was a 10 year old in that room that was very hurt, and very angry; but the benefit to my years of anger-as-an-ointment life to follow is, to me, truly glorious (no matter how dented, scarred, and broken). I am the ME that I invented as I went along, not the ‘me’ manufactured by people who find fault in the pursuit of happiness.

I hate myself most of the time, yes – but I earned it, and I’m proud of it.

 

JMB

 

* Which, when you think about it, is a total scam. God is taking credit for your work, and chances are you’re passively (maybe even enthusiastically) letting “Him” do it. Think about it.

** There are exceptions. One of the smartest, kindest men I’ve ever met was a Mormon Bishop at the time.

*** That’s not me trying to find a fancy turn of phrase, he actually said that. Yes, 10 year old kids can eye roll.

**** Well, maybe “Screw You,” I was only 10 years old.

 

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Birthday Gifts! Come Get Yours!

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Anyone who signs on as a $25.00 Patron of The LEFT Show in July gets a free gift from the Defenestrate Media Magical Box of Random Gifts!

Posted by JM Bell on Monday, 6 July 2015

CLICK HERE TO GET BIRTHDAY STUFF!

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244 The LEFT Show – 5 Years Old

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Forest Was Here.

Melissa Merlot Was Here.

JM Bell Was Here

Donna F’ing Weinholtz Was Here.

It was pretty much Mega-Epic.

244 The LEFT Show

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Itunes Link  |  Stitcher Link 

THE LEFT SHOW LINKS!

N.C. KKK Group To March In S.C. To Support Confederate Flag http://bit.ly/1KCGHpF
Bigot Gets Mad At NBC For Changing Their Logo To The ‘Colors Of Gays’  http://bit.ly/1KCrvsu
Lawmaker has bill drafted to do away with marriages in Utah http://bit.ly/1KCru7Y
First grader stands tall against homophobic street preacher http://bit.ly/1KCrIvL
Ted Cruz’s Father Says LGBT Rights Will Lead To Football Teams Showering With Girls http://bit.ly/1KCrNzK
LDS Church makes first ever contribution to Utah Pride Center program http://bit.ly/1KCrLIb
MORE SCOTUS 
Major Supreme Court Cases in 2015 http://nyti.ms/1KCtkpo
‘Scalia Is A Douche’ Breakfast Special Sell Out In Record Time http://bit.ly/1KCtvAZ
It’s A Big Blackmail Plot http://bit.ly/1KCuj97
THE GOPper SIXTEEN! TRUMP EDITION
NBC just cut ties with Donald Trump, pulling Miss USA and Miss Universe http://bit.ly/1KCtqxl
Is Running for President Donald Trump’s Worst Business Decision Yet? http://theatln.tc/1KCtFIH
Chicago brewery renames their Donald Trump beer ‘Chinga Tu Pelo’  http://bit.ly/1KCu7GQ
SCIENCE AND ENTERTAINMENT
AUTO PLAY William Shatner charity ride to honor vets http://trib.in/1KCG7rW
Kevin Smith Shows Incredible 85-Pound Weight Loss http://huff.to/1KCGjaN
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Announce Divorce After 10 Years of Marriage  http://eonli.ne/1KCG9js
Skydance Execs Explain the Legal Tangles Preventing a New Series http://bit.ly/1KCGdQg
Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp Trailer http://bit.ly/1KCGfYD
THE REST OF THE STORY 
Barack Obama pushes for-profit colleges to the brink http://politi.co/1KCGym4
Homegrown Extremists Tied to Deadlier Toll Than Jihadists in U.S. Since 9/11 http://nyti.ms/1KCGAud
Hawaii Lawmaker Beaten Up By Group Of Homeless http://huff.to/1KCGG54
Bernie Sanders Recorded a Folk Album. http://bit.ly/1KCGLWg
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243 The LEFT Show – Together Alone

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Crowded house this episode as JC, Bob, Forrest, and Taylor join JM Bell in the studio for a splendorous episode of The LEFT Show! It’s the announcement of Fat Camp 3’s winner, a lot of news about all the good stuff happening in the world, mixed all up with a lot of shit, you know, to keep it real.

The LEFT Show #243

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THE LEFT SHOW 
BIG NEWS! 
STAR TREK Stars Receive New Contracts For A Fourth Film http://bit.ly/1FIwJuX
Behold, the world’s first vagina beauty pageant  http://bit.ly/1FIx4NX
Richard Matt, Escaped Prisoner in New York Manhunt, Is Fatally Shot http://nyti.ms/1FIwIqI
HEALTH STUFF 
Supreme Court Allows Nationwide Health Care Subsidies http://nyti.ms/1FIwBvq
GAY MARRIAGE! 
Six Things To Do after the Supreme Court Decision on Gay Marriage http://bit.ly/1FIwLTj
The Best (or Worst) Lines From Scalia’s Angry Dissent http://bit.ly/1HpCuVy
REPUBLICAN CLOWN CAR ROUNDUP 
Santorum Calls Charleston Shooting ‘Assault On Religious Liberty’ http://bit.ly/1HpCdlv
Lindsey Graham: The Confederate flag is ‘who we are’ – http://bit.ly/1HpCcxW
Trump Campaign Reportedly Hired Actors at $50 a Head to Attend Campaign Launch http://bit.ly/1HpCfK4
What Is Going On With This Bobby Jindal Announcement Video?  http://bit.ly/1HpD1Hf
THE OTHER STUFF 
Texas Spending $800 Million To Build Its Own Personal Border Army http://bit.ly/1HpCzZo
Dominican Republic certifies citizenship of 55,000 people, ending bureaucratic limbo http://fxn.ws/1HpCAN4
Wells Fargo Won’t Bow Down To Bigots, Will Keep Running Lesbian Ad http://bit.ly/1HpCK7a
Rosetta’s lander Philae wakes up from hibernation  http://bit.ly/1HpDetS
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An Open Letter to White America

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Dear White Christian America:

Just as when you demand Muslims stand up against Islamic terrorists to prove there are “good Muslims”, then I, a fellow white American, am publicly challenging you to stand up against white American terrorists when they kill black Americans in cold blood.

Don’t say it was a lone wolf, or a nut case, or shrug and shake your head about why it happened.

Stop telling racist jokes.

Stop proliferating racial stereotypes.

Stop vowing to “put white back in the White House”.

Stop brandishing your assault rifles as a pack of you roam poor black neighborhoods while claiming to be defending your constitutional rights.

Stop allowing institutional racism that leads to unarmed black men being gunned down by police, and our prisons being disproportionately filled up with black men and women who are convicted of the same crimes that white people often receive only probation for.

Stop allowing the Confederate flag to fly on or near public buildings; it is not a symbol of state’s rights, it is a symbol of slavery, oppression, and divisiveness.

Stop the hate.

Stop the killing.

Stop allowing all the things that have always kept us separate.
Find love, peace, and unity.

Sincerely,
Robert A. Easton

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242 The LEFT Show – Blatant Pornography Redux

By popular demand – I give you one of the two episodes with Bob Aagard – this is also one of our infamous Wednesday Shows! Oh, I miss these, but they’re only on election years, so … until 2016!

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Oh, pornography. Such a sticky topic. Sticky enough, in fact, that we sort of blew off most of the other topics we had planned and talked through the nature of desensitization and how Rule #34 will always win.

Quang Dang and Bob Aagard joined JM, Forrest, and Ultimate Bob in the studio for a deeper than usual episode of The LEFT Show! Enjoy!

And here, my pretties, are your links:

Porn Makes Straight Men More Accepting of Gay Marriage?  http://bit.ly/16XZQi6
Six Facts Lost in the IRS Scandal  http://bit.ly/16Y0xI6
 
HATE AND ‘MURICA! 
 
Judge tells lesbian couple to separate — or lose kids http://bit.ly/16Y008X
We Will Be The Judge Of How This Child-Selling Judge Should Go To Hell Forever  http://bit.ly/16Y0Wdy
Appeals court upholds Ciavarella’s 28-year sentence  http://bit.ly/16Y10Kg
Rape: The NRA’s Newest Marketing Tool  http://bit.ly/16Y21SM
 
MURICA! and ACTUAL STUFF
 
Federal judge finds probable cause Fox News reporter helped leak classified docs  http://bit.ly/16Y1qR5
Atheist State Lawmaker Quotes Carl Sagan Instead of Doing Prayer Before House Session  http://bit.ly/16Y1Arz
Arizona House non-prayer sparks Christian re-do  http://bit.ly/16Y1Fva
 
OTHER STUFF AND FOLLOW UPS
 
Oil Rigs Make Bad Neighbors: Americans Harmed By Oil And Gas Drilling, Seek To Be Heard  http://bit.ly/16Y1HmY
Tesla Motors fully repays $465 million federal loan nine years early  http://bit.ly/16Y1Neh
Mayoral Candidate Endorsed By Jesus Christ Comes In Last, Loses To Gay Man  http://bit.ly/16Y1PTp
Fla. teen accidentally shoots off his penis and testicle  http://on.11alive.com/125MC1V
 
NICE NEWS OF THE WEEK
 
‘Four little girls’ killed in 1963 church bombing honored with Congressional Gold Medal  http://wapo.st/16Y1YX5
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