I know that your pal Sarah promised to keep this a little secret but …
… there’s a little volcano exploding in her state. Has been for several days now. Volcano monitoring, eh? Didn’t think that’d come back and haunt you so soon, did you?
Unfortunately, you’re still an ignorant political hack. Sorry about that.
Ahem…excuse me, Jeff? Everyone knows that those things are not Volcanoes, because that would be pagan because they would be named after the god, Vulcan. Everyone knows they are called “God Candles” and they don’t need monitoring because God will blow them out when they have fulfilled His purposes.